


Things you said over the phone

by TheLoneWolf_48



Series: The things we say and we don't say [4]
Category: AKB48, AKB48 & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, How Do I Tag, I Guess...?, Romance, Smut, summary sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24924613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLoneWolf_48/pseuds/TheLoneWolf_48
Summary: Atsuko left Japan a few years ago, she plans a vacation with her boyfriend, but a call brings back feelings she thought were forgotten.
Relationships: Maeda Atsuko/Takahashi Minami
Series: The things we say and we don't say [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795240
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	Things you said over the phone

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is for certain someone that made great fanart of some of my old fics. I hope you like it!
> 
> I'm tired, it's late and I'm sleepy... Fast edited, there will be grammar mistakes and typos, so bare with it.

The table burst in laughter. A tear falls from her eyes and leans on the shoulder at her left. An arm wraps around her shoulders, pulling her closer; she feels a kiss on her head. Everything is perfect. Dinner was a success, considering that she cooked it without burning half the apartment—the company, even better. But, just for a second, a face flashed in front of her eyes. A face of old memories, of old wanting, and dreams. A face she treasured, but that couldn't keep. And the next tear that rolled came out from the deepest parts of her heart.

"I've been telling Atsuko that next year we could go back to Japan," the young man at her left said, in a mix of pride and want. Atsuko thanked him for the suggestion with a sweet smile. "To visit her parents. Besides, we've been dating for quite a while now. I think it's time to visit her hometown."

Four years of dating a man. Five since she moved to New York, seven since her graduation from being an idol. Memories swirled on her mind, the sight from the stage, the blinding lights, the hectic coming, and girls passing at her sides. Her. The person who supported her the most. The person who pushed her own pain so Atsuko could be free. Be happy. The pain, the stress, everything came rushing back. Pushing herself away from the man, she cleared her throat. She is happy. She lives in the city of her dreams. She's getting a degree in acting in one of the best places to do so. She goes to Broadway almost every weekend. She has a supportive and understanding man at her side, who's also studying acting. He understands her. _He loves her_ , takes care of her, likes the same things as her-same movies, the same music, same actors. She is happy.

_Is she?_

The ringing of the apartment's phone interrupts the animated conversation and Atsuko's thoughts. Michael, her boyfriend, moves his chair back, but Atsuko grabs his hand.

"I'll get it." Atsuko mumbles. "Your parents wanted to spend the night with you. I'll get it."

A smile forms on his face, a smile she doesn't see and return. She stands, a soft sorry leaves her mouth, and turns towards the living room. The phone rings a fourth time before she interrupts the fifth one.

"Hello?" Atsuko says in an inaudible voice, back in the dining table, more laughs erupt.

_"Please, don't hang up."_

Air gets stuck in her chest. Her heart jumps a beat before it stumbles at how fast it beats. She recognizes the voice. It was impossible to forget. The language it’s pronounced gives her chills. The pleading makes her shiver. She turns to look back at the people on the other side of her apartment. Then back to the phone. Her knuckles turn white. She says nothing. There's a part of her that wants to jerk the phone away from her ear and hang up. But her heart stones her brain, lefts her there, standing, with so many feelings boiling inside.

 _"I miss you, Atsuko."_ She can hear the pain coming from that voice, something pierces through her heart. Guilt. It makes her close her eyes. It makes her demand her lungs to take a big inhalation of air. To make her focus, to stay in the present. _"Please, come back home."_ She can't go back home. Not after hurting the only person who genuinely saw her. Not after abandoning her. Not after… _"Come back to me, Atsuko. Please."_ And for a beating second, Atsuko wants to say yes. She wants to promise she will take the next plane to Tokyo and go back to her. Back home. _"Please…"_

"Atsuko?" Michael's voice makes her jump. She's glad that no tears had left her eyes.

"Yes, sorry. It's just the bank offering me another credit card." She covers the speaker with her palm and looks at him. He rolls his green eyes, making her giggle.

She hangs up.

\----

They make plans, but they do not decide on a date. They take almost six months to determine when it could be suitable to go to Tokyo for some vacations. Either for summer break or winter festivities. Michael wants to see the Sakura blooming festivals, but they discard it. Examinations are always around those months, and there aren't regular schedules. Sometimes, they would be in the middle of a class or practice, and the examiner would walk inside. Plus, Michael has a few projects he needs to finish first. They discuss when to go, what he wants to see and experience. A month later, they choose the summer break. (During the Tanabata festivals and the Fuji Five Lakes Fireworks.) He is excited, makes her warm.

They put plans for future projects on hold. Michael tells their closest friends their plans, his parents can't accompany them, unfortunately. They turn down a few offers from small companies. They're still hired as extras on some independent films. They agreed that it can wait—just this time.

Before she knows it, they make the baggage. They're on the way to the airport. They're inside the plane, on the fifteen hours' flight. And before she can blink, they're landing on Narita's airport. Atsuko's heart beats desperately, longing for the familiar feel. It's been years since she left. Everything is the same, but different. The air is humid, and it brings a bit of earthy smell along. It makes her close her eyes and smile.

She's at home.

But then dread suffocates her. The traffic lights blind her, and it makes her remember that day, eight years ago, when she looked at the stadium full of fans, with soft, warm arms squeezing her. Gentle words of encouragement. Words that would come back from time to time. To remind her she's a fighter and that she can conquer the world, she owes nothing to anyone. It is a promise to always support each other, to always be together. To always love each other.

Tears went down, a sob choking her.

_What have I done?_

Excuses. It was easier to make excuses rather than facing reality. Atsuko lied once again. She tells Michael that feelings overwhelm her, being home after missing her house, family, and friends. He understood, he accepted her feelings; he loved her, and that wouldn't change. At it made Atsuko cling on his shoulders, hiding the truth from him. They take a taxi. She doesn't feel like taking the train. Silence engulfs them, a bit of reassurance coming from his thumb, soothing the back of her hand. Melancholy, Atsuko blamed. In the back of her mind, she wondered how many times the phone back at their New York apartment had ringed since they left. If her cellphone would ring one of these days too. She hoped it did.

It was a sleepless night—the product of jetlag and her own thoughts. Tokyo lights hit her full force, bringing back all those moments where she couldn't sleep for entirely different reasons. A smile formed. She liked the hotel. It wasn't the first time she stayed here, and it was just as she remembered. It was similar.

_A soft blanket wrapping her back, her body relaxing as warm, caring arms wrapped around her waist. A chin resting on her shoulder._

_"You'll catch a cold."_

_Care and worry impregnated the voice. Atsuko smiled, shaking her head._

_"It's easier this way," Atsuko replied, eyes closed, placing a hand over the arms around her waist._

_"Come back to bed…" The tender whisper made her sigh. She nodded._

_A hand pulled her inside the room, her eyes trained on the figure in front of her._

_"Minami…" Atsuko whispered near the other girl's ear. She felt her shivering, tightening the hug._

_Even if it only was a three-hour sleep. It was one of the best resting nights she ever got. Atsuko never understood how her body could relax so much when Minami wrapped her in an affectionate hug. After years of sleeping in hotel rooms, concert after concert, it amazed her how warm, calm and secure Minami made her feel._

"Aren't you coming to bed?"

Atsuko's hand over the sliding balcony door turned into a fist. It wasn't Minami who was on the bed with her right now. Minami wasn't the reason behind this travel. Minami wasn't in her life anymore. She should forget about Minami, about the many things she always made her feel. Forget how her body remembered and compared her. Because now, Michael was in her life. She was happy. She was loved. She was…

_He is not Minami._

Lying next to him, she couldn't stop the comparison. She felt cold, dull. It wasn't the first time. It happened since the very first time they slept together. Impersonal. He is not Minami.

"I love you."

Atsuko snuggled closer, demanding her body to relax, to stop the fantasy of past times. He loved her, that's the only thing that mattered. She was happy. He is not Minami. He loves her.

It was still dark when tiredness finally knocked her cold.

\----

The visit to her parents went as she expected. They accepted Michael with his lack of communication skills because of his very basic knowledge of the language. She didn't mind translating. It was tiresome, but both parts had fun. Her dogs greeted just as energetic as one would expect dogs did after not see their owners in a long time. Their tails waving in the air, jumping up and down, almost knocking her to the floor. They weren't as friendly when Michael went to the backyard. They all had fallen for Minami the first time she visited. She wondered why.

After the meal, Atsuko's parents showed him their little shrine dedicated to Atsuko. Her achievements as an actress include photos of her with the group, with her closest friends, and famous people. Some posters attached to the wall, CDs stacked, a few merchandise she didn't remember existed. Minami. Both hugging and smiling at the camera.

"I wonder how much I would get if I sell your autograph online." Michael teased.

"Probably a lot," Atsuko answered. Her eyes focused on young Minami's smiling face, "Rumor says, you can become rich just by selling my old merch."

The retort never came. Atsuko had to rip her attention from Minami to the present. Michael had an eyebrow up.

"I was…" She trapped her lower lip in between her teeth, "I am famous around here, you know?"

\----

It was only the second day. Just two days had passed since she returned to Japan, and her fingers were already itching to call her old friends. She wanted to know how Mariko was living her new married life. Asking Haruna if she had plans of getting married to Yuko. Was Tomochin still releasing new music? Was Yuki still babying Mayu? And who could give her Minami's number?

Written and deleted messages. Numbers displayed and almost pressed. Atsuko felt like drowning all morning, even when she was out, walking hand in hand with Michael. Half focused on where they were going, only explaining to him things when he asked. Reminding quiet, allowing him to pull her anywhere. Even though it should be her showing him around. If he noticed her lack of enthusiasm, the fidgeting, the silent, he never mentioned. They ate some mochis and dangos. He got his first experience at a vending machine and walked around some famous tourist spots.

By lunchtime, both were back in the hotel. Michael knocked out on the bed. Atsuko looked outside, then back to Michael. Biting her lower lip once again. Grabbing her purse and her jacket, she left a note on the little table near the bed. Her hand twitched, wanting to ruffle his ash brown hair.

It was a one-hour trip, took one train and she walked the rest of the way. She knew the way towards her destination, like the palm of her hand. It was a journey she imagined walking so many times in the past. The image of the building engraved in her mind like a stone. The number of the door making her giggle. It was so predictable. So like Minami.

A pray quietly said. That no one would be home. That she would leave the place disappointed and hurt, but with the peace of mind that she didn't disturb anyone's life. That she could just walk away, like if she never returned to Japan. To her.

The door opened anyway.

Dropping the purse in the entranceway; Atsuko didn't mind taking her shoes off. All the desperation and anxiety left her body as soon as Minami's arms trapped her. And Atsuko allowed the hug. She grasped to Minami's t-shirt with such force that it almost breaks. The tears, saved for so many years, finally released. Her body shaking, her breath fastening, and her chest feeling heavy and squeezed. It reminded her of a time a few years ago. When she almost breaks down on stage. She didn't want to stop hugging Minami; she didn't want to leave. There was a promise of always being there for the other. One that she broke first.

"Atsuko…" Minami sighed.

And it felt so relieving. After so many years of enduring the weight of a broken promise, Atsuko's body relaxes, of a never-forgotten love, of pain. Why did she ever leave? Why did she think she would be happy anywhere else? This was home. _She was at home_. Minami was her home. Her center, her lead, her everything. The way Minami pronounced her name, in the right intonation and without a heavy accent. In that longing way, Atsuko always needed after a tight schedule and not seeing each other for days. _Why did she ever leave?_

Slowly, Atsuko pulled away from Minami's shoulder. Eyes locked onto each other. Both reading the other as if it was yesterday when they last saw each other. Stripped from the pretense of their lives, baring their souls and speaking on such a deep level that everyone envied. Minami was still there, waiting. Atsuko was still there, yearning.

It was inevitable. Atsuko doesn't know who leans forward first. She doesn't even care. Lips pressed into desperate lips. Opened kisses and frantic lip biting. Tongues dancing together. And Atsuko was sure that the soft sounds came from her throat. But then Minami groaned, pushed her against the opposite wall, and pressed her body against her. Atsuko's head hit the wall, the pain never registering.

The jacket fell and pooled behind her feet. Bold hands pulled her baby blue shirt out of her jeans, and she had to pull away. Her head hit the wall again, back arching towards the cold hands.

"I missed you so much." Atsuko believed her, teeth grazing her neck. She fisted Minami's hair, desperate to relieve the intense emotions about to explode inside her. Shivering when Minami's tongue pressed into her wanting skin.

Pulling the fisted hair, made Minami pull away, eyes half-lidded, darkened by something only Atsuko understood. Teeth hit teeth, both groaning at the frenzy of their actions.

_Why did she leave?_

_Why did she think she would be happy without Minami?_

_Why did she break the promise?_

_Why was Minami still loving and forgiving her?_

Her naked back hit the bed, her hands around Minami's neck, pulling the older girl above her. Both moaning at the sensation of their bare skins touching after so long. Atsuko melting on Minami's love. The world outside Minami's hands didn't exist. It didn't matter. Her jeans were in the way, she needed them off. And Minami pulled them off. Minami knew, she always knew. It wasn't a surprise seeing the boxers under Minami's sweatpants. It surprised her feeling a thigh pressed on her crotch. Her back arched, breast perking up, Minami's mouth closing on the left one. She became a mess of incoherent thoughts. Atsuko only knew one name; her mouth only knew how to pronounce her name.

 _Minami_. It was chanted like a sacred song. In distinct tones. _Minami. Minami. Minami_.

Atsuko almost screamed when firm fingers opened her, pressing in the right spot. Minami's mouth finding hers once again, drowning the sounds with her kisses as the finger entered Atsuko.

"God, you're so wet," Minami mumbled in between kisses. Atsuko moaned in return.

There was an explosion of colors and sensations. It blinded Atsuko. How long had they been in bed? She didn't know. But the first orgasm felt like it came too quickly for her own satisfaction. Both were panting, Minami still above her, with her fingers drifting in and out. Atsuko opened her eyes after what felt an eternity. Feeling cold as the air hit her sweaty, heated skin. The fingers inside pressed into that sweet spot that made her hips buck. If this were any other situation, with Minami not knuckle buried, she would have ripped that smirk out of her face. Minami's nose nuzzled the black hair between her legs, and she couldn't help but close her eyes again.

The second orgasm arrived like a typhoon hitting land with all its wildest power. She screamed. Hands buried on Minami's head, nails scratching her scalp. But Minami didn't stop. She continued lapping her insides like a thirsty animal drinking water from an oasis. The third orgasm almost knocked her out. But Minami seemed to realize what she was doing to Atsuko's oversensitive body and overloaded mind. She had mercy on her, with her jaw still shining from Atsuko's juices. And Atsuko swears she had a little orgasm just by witnessing Minami, licking her fingers clean.

It took her a few minutes to recover the ability to think. A time that both spent kissing. Murmuring each other's names, pleading for something both didn't know they were ready to do. And then Atsuko's right hand dipped inside the boxers that where annoyingly in the way. Minami pushed her body slightly up, allowing the movement. The actress moaned as she found Minami wet, understanding why she had made such comment earlier. It was such a powerful thing. Knowing that the other woman was wet, hot, and wanting. Needing.

"Please. Atsuko, please." Minami's hips pressed against the hand. Rubbing on the other woman's palm. "Please"

But the hand didn't move. Atsuko too mesmerized by the way Minami was pushing against her hand, pleading to her. Giving her all to Atsuko, desperately waiting for her. And if Atsuko's heart didn't fully belong to Minami before. It was then that she moved two fingers inside the smaller woman that she decided Atsuko's body, soul, and mind belonged to the love of her life.

Minami screamed her name, and Atsuko pushed the woman's back onto the bed, her hand still moving and her lips kissing Minami's neck.

\----

Guilty. Any jury would have found Atsuko's guilty of charges. Guilty of loving someone more than she loves her career, and still hurting the only person who cared about her, that understands her. Not once, but twice. She left Minami twice. This time with only one note, her phone number and the number of her hotel room. She has two weeks left before going back to New York.

Michael is still excited about Tokyo, the shrines, the food, the snacks, the anime, and the videogames. He finds the Kabuki stages the most endearing thing he has ever seen. But Atsuko is not there. Her mind is back in Minami's apartment, under the blankets, pressed against the mattress, moaning. Feeling loved and loving freely in return. She feels terrible for lying to Michael. He loves her.

He doesn't deserve that.

Awkwardly exchanged introductions. Haruna and Yuko are still living together. Mariko and her husband are in heaven after months of being married. Miichan shows up by surprise, throwing herself against a shocked Atsuko, almost knocking her to the floor. Both cries both make promises. Yuki tells everyone that Mayu won't be able to arrive. She's in Hokkaido, recording a new drama, but sends hugs, kisses, and good vibes. Tomochin also calls, apologizing, but the recordings for her new single would take longer than expected, but all would get the single as soon as it is finished.

And there's Minami. She's polite and warm. She tries to make some conversation with the little English she knows, Michael tries with Japanese. Everyone laughs at both their fail attempts. But her friend is warm. However, both send brief glances that no one notices. Well, at least Michael seems not to notice. The other girls, though… They're too used to their antics they ignore them. But Miichan asks Atsuko what's going on, and she doesn't know what to answer because she doesn't know herself.

The night ends with plans of going to Hiratsuka, in Kanagawa, for the Tanabata festival.

\--

It's wrong. No excuse can help Atsuko. No lie can justify her actions, but it's her heart that betrays her. They're committing a sin, but Orihime and Hikoboshi could understand the reasons behind her actions. Separated by a vast river of tears, lies, and broken promises. But this year, the bridge is there, and they both meet again.

Body pressed against the trunk of a big old tree, behind the stalls in the loudest part of the festival. In between the yelling, the music, and the fireworks, it muffles her moans. Minami's front against her back, trapping her. A hand under her yukata and lingerie, the other massaging one of her breasts.

_I love you. Please, stay._

Atsuko cried, feeling her legs shake, panting, nails almost snapping by gripping the tree bark.

_Don't leave me._

Atsuko always left.

\----

By the time they go to the Fuji Fireworks, Atsuko has made love with Minami an immense amount of times. In her apartment, in a love hotel, in Atsuko's hotel room. They even did it in Haruna and Yuko's apartment bathroom. Atsuko doesn't remember the last time she felt so alive, warm, and loved. Haruna talks to her, though, and it is a bit ironic how Yuko speaks with Minami. Both telling them to decide. But Minami isn't at fault. She has said how she feels since the beginning. Atsuko… She wonders why she can't just leave Michael and go back to Minami. Because it's obvious, Atsuko. You love Minami! Stop playing around and be with her.

And heavens know she wants to. A life with Minami. The small woman being the first thing she sees when she wakes up in the mornings, and the last when she closes her eyes after a lovely night of lovemaking and love swearing. But she doesn't feel worthy. Everything it had happened is on her. Not being able to be with Minami is her fault. She deserves this suffering, the torture.

Michael is sick by the time the fireworks festival arrives. She asks Mariko to cover for her, to tell Michael, in case he asks where she is, that she is at the festival with Haruna and Yuko. She asks, begs her friends to cover for her sins. And they agree.

And instead of lying down in the grass, seeing the fireworks lighting the sky, she is in an onsen in Fujikawaguchiko. With Minami between her legs, giving her another orgasm as the fireworks echoed in the walls of their room. She cries Minami shush her. Exchanging _I love you_ s. Apologies begged. But Atsuko and Minami indulge in their feelings of love. They would regret it in the morning, or maybe in the next couple of days. But not that night.

\----

Michael leaves after seeing them kissing in their hotel room. They were only saying goodbye, but they couldn't stop themselves, and she kissed Minami on the lips. Hands cupping her face with the most delicate touch she could muster, fearing to break something precious. They scheduled their flight for the next day, and knowing that Atsuko won't be able to let Minami go, they exchanged their goodbyes a day before. Michael doesn't say a word, Atsuko expects him to yell, hurting words, blaming. But he's silent, disappointed, maybe. Looks back at her, sadness behind his dull green eyes. Perhaps, if she had been more honest, he would remain her friend.

But it's a little too late. Again, there's no going back.

It downs on her, though.

The excuses, the loss of brightness in his eyes with each passing day. The lack of questioning of her whereabouts and weird hours of coming to the hotel room. She was an idiot. She hurt someone that cared about her again.

Her entire life is in New York, though.

Grabbing her luggage, she walks towards the doors, ready to board the plane that will be her biggest regret and joy.

"Atsuko!" Minami yells, she freezes on the line. Her mind is just playing her tricks. "Don't go, Atsuko! Please stay!"

Tears fall, hands shake. Almost hyperventilating. A door separating her biggest dream from her biggest love. And she doesn't know which one to pick.

Minami picks for her, though. She goes past security, runs, and crashes against her lips. Atsuko sobs, not caring about anything else but Minami.

"Let's go home," Minami whispers.

\----

She returns to New York two days later. She missed one day of classes, with the excuse of taking care of her mother. The school accepts the explanation but warns her it would be the only time. She nods, says sorry, and continues her day as if nothing happened. But her last teacher. Mrs. Johnson has plans to make her stay and pay extra time for the missing hours.

The key turns with a click, and Atsuko pushes the door of her apartment. She feels her shoulders are as hard as a rock, with more projects than hopes to live. Then, the scent of something sweet coming from the kitchen makes her sigh.

"I'm home!" She says in Japanese (that feels strange after an entire day of speaking English).

"Welcome home!" Greets her Minami back. With a big smile and Atsuko's favorite cup, filled with hot chocolate.

"I'm home." She whispers to herself.

Because no matter where she is, New York or Japan, her home is whenever Minami is.

**Author's Note:**

> The story diverges after Acchan's graduation concert. The reason I made up a new character for Atsuko's boyfriend is that I think she deserves some respect, even within the realms of fiction. She is married and has a kid now, Minami is also married. And although I would love to see AtsuMina loving each other, the reality is that both are happily married and moving on with their lives. 
> 
> This is from a prompt list I found on Tumblr... It's a challenge I self-imposed to force some writing out of me
> 
> The prompt list can be found here [here](https://tmblr.co/ZTIw8k1ocgTwE)


End file.
